I want you to soak this in. Not for too long! I don't want you to go blind from ugly:
This is the production team behind what is known currently as Project X. The first man is Todd Phillips, of Old School, Starsky and Hutch and The Hangover fame. The beardiest man is Joel Silver, who produced The Matrix, Fred Claus and what kind of looks like every shitty action film since 1976. Wow. The last man, with his strange maw and terrible squints, is Nima Nourizadeh. I guess he's made commercials? His IMDb page is about as bare as they come, with an editing job and Project X the only two listed.
I could harp on about how little good these men have contributed to the world. Phillips is almost the definition of 'hack,' tackling films with giant comedy banners draped over them, working with talented comedic actors, and ending up unveiling meandering stories with very little humor. And this Joel Silver guy impresses the hell out of me with how many just awful movies he's produced. But none of this is the issue. The issue is how unbearable it is to try and look at the above picture.
Look at those slobs! How did they get anywhere in the state they're in? Isn't filmmaking a profession? Shouldn't you have an ounce of self respect to even get yourself into a job like that? Is there any possibility these men aren't actually human, but are part of some horrible mole-man species released into the wild after a lab experiment gone awry?
That picture is of the worst looking trio I've ever seen. Please take it away from me.
- Eric T. Voigt