Tuesday, April 20, 2010

These Men Are Unpleasant to Look At

I want you to soak this in. Not for too long! I don't want you to go blind from ugly:

This is the production team behind what is known currently as Project X. The first man is Todd Phillips, of Old School, Starsky and Hutch and The Hangover fame. The beardiest man is Joel Silver, who produced The Matrix, Fred Claus and what kind of looks like every shitty action film since 1976. Wow. The last man, with his strange maw and terrible squints, is Nima Nourizadeh. I guess he's made commercials? His IMDb page is about as bare as they come, with an editing job and Project X the only two listed.

I could harp on about how little good these men have contributed to the world. Phillips is almost the definition of 'hack,' tackling films with giant comedy banners draped over them, working with talented comedic actors, and ending up unveiling meandering stories with very little humor. And this Joel Silver guy impresses the hell out of me with how many just awful movies he's produced. But none of this is the issue. The issue is how unbearable it is to try and look at the above picture.

Look at those slobs! How did they get anywhere in the state they're in? Isn't filmmaking a profession? Shouldn't you have an ounce of self respect to even get yourself into a job like that? Is there any possibility these men aren't actually human, but are part of some horrible mole-man species released into the wild after a lab experiment gone awry?

That picture is of the worst looking trio I've ever seen. Please take it away from me.

- Eric T. Voigt

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sex and the City 2 Trailer!?

It feels like just yesterday we were throwing on our Carrie Bradshaw costumes and rushing off to the theater to catch the first "Sex and the City" movie. The two hours and twenty-five minutes felt like mere seconds, but for that glorious period of time we were back with our dearest friends: sassy Samantha, sweet little Charlotte, gentle Miranda and the star, Carrie. The credits rolled, and it hurt to be separated. "First with the series cancellation in 2004, and now this?"

Luckily that separation will end once more, on May 28th, with "Sex and the City 2." Even luckier: the first full length trailer has just debuted. What does it have in store for us? Just what could be expected. The entire cast is back, picking up right where we left them: Carrie's enjoying life with Mr. Big, Charlotte's grappling with motherhood, Samantha's defying all odds with her sex life, Miranda's basically holding down the fort. There's lavish fashion, hunky men and exciting vacation destinations. Sounds a lot like another "Sex and the City" movie you may have seen.

Details on the story are scant, but we know the film will be taking place in both New York City and Abu Dhabi. The girls will be dealing with their lives as wives, mothers and cougars and it appears a faithfulness story line has been introduced, revealing Carrie flirting with the idea of betraying Big. Could she return from the Middle East with a new man?

Michael Patrick King, the writer, director and producer of the first film is reprising all of his roles as well. Guest stars include Liza Minelli, Penelope Cruz, and even Miley Cyrus. The main draw, as always, are the leading ladies: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon. Go get 'em, girls.

- Eric T. Voigt