Here are some choice excerpts from the review:
"Kaufman has created, what could be his masterpiece, by messing with time and editing in such a way that you are just blown away mentally."
"Being that he had to create a miniature version of NYC in a huge warehouse, he had a like a whole lot to tackle."
"It was like, just so all over the place and it just totally bent your mind."
...
"Big Daddy Kev", as film critic Kevin McCarthy refers to himself, is by all standard definitions, a douchebag. If his bro-tastic pseudo name and bright blonde gel-spiked hair-doo weren't indicators enough...
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...let his diction fill in the gaps.
-He refers to films as "flicks" upwards of 20 times in one review.
-He often says moronic things like, "The flick has one of the best plotlines I could ever think of". One of the best plot-lines you could ever think of, Kevin? Good for you.
-He makes constant annoying self-referrals to his patented BDK rating system (we'll get back to that) during his reviews... "Please check it out in theaters, hence the 4.5 BDK rating" and "This is going to be my first 6 BDK of all time because it is just one notch above anything I have ever seen ever."
-His metaphors might be the most vomit-inducing excerpts of film writing I have ever read... "This flick is so dark it just has that perfect dark flavor. Think about a cup of coffee. They didn't give you any cream or sugar, man. They just left it black."
-"Big Daddy Kev's" computer seems to have a dysfunctional caps lock key. His reviews are punctuated by random, unnecessary chunks of capitalized mayhem...
"THIS PERFORMANCE is masterful."-"Move over EVERY SINGLE other movie that is coming out this year!"-"MAN THIS KID WAS AMAZING"-"He was just NON-EMOTIONAL."
-Also, his lack of film knowledge is glaring and obtrusive. Compile that with his basic lack of knowledge for any film he reviews, and you get things like this excerpt from his glowing review of Benjamin Button:
"Overall, all I can say is WOW. The make-up artist on this movie needs to win a Pulitizer prize. I literally was just sitting there the whole time trying to figure out how they did the make-up jobs. There were scenes when Pitt was an "old-young" man and they had his head on a short person's body. It looked completely flawless."
(Those scene were done entirely with CGI.)
(The Pulitzer Prize is an award granted for achievments in newspaper journalism, literary work, and musical composition.)
(Kevin McCarthy is an idiot.)
Now onto his very own, super-cool, "BDK rating system". This system is actually a basic 5 star rating system, but instead of stars, he opted for an absolutely obnoxious picture of himself grinning wide-eyed and open mouthed at a low quality, digital flash camera.
Things couldn't get much worse, could they?
Well friends, this is life, and unfortunately, they do...
He is PAYED to review films. The publication that hired this man-boy to review films for them must have some serious aptitude-analyzation deficiencies. The have successfully given a paying job to an imbecile that gawks at movies for them and then pounds out incoherent, bumbling reviews like a mentally unstable chimpanzee. It's embarrassing, but overall simply frustrating.
This is not Armond White, a film critic parading around false intelligence and pretense above all other pretense. This is an entirely different monster. Kevin McCarthy is simply a fool. A fool with the notion that he has the knowledge of film and basic required intelligence/writing skill to properly review movies. He is a cloying parasite, and the idea that his opinions matter enough for rotten tomatoes to post his reviews on their site, and for someone to pay him for them simply drives me mad.
"Big Daddy Kev", do the world a favor and go die.
On The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
ReplyDelete"I am not exaggerating when I say this is one of the best films of all time. It is perfect in every aspect of filmmaking, i.e. acting, directing, pacing, editing, make-up, set design, special effects."
We love you, Big Daddy Kev.