Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Alex and Eric Hate Trailers: Episode I (Wolverines, Proposals and Horror)

Alex and I hate trailers. That is, we often find ourselves watching trailers, and discussing their merits at great length. Greater length than we should. Greater length than any person should. Now we lay it all out for you, in what I hope will become a weekly feature. We tackled Apple trailers' latest for this fine episode. The titles are linked to the trailers.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li -

Alex: Street fighter. Duh, dumb. Perhaps some cool stunt work, but nothing extraordinary past that. Dumb.

Eric: Really well shot. Actors look meh. Action looks not terrible, but I don't see the value of the movie as a whole.

Alex: Same same. Pretty much what you would expect a high budget Street Fighter movie to be, honestly.

All About Steve -

Eric: A trainwreck of a Sandra Bullock piece of shit. Everyone looks pink. It uses all the worst sort of trailer things, like deep voiced narrator, speeding up clips, that awful swoosh sound, then a crash swoosh, those little tings, lame pop music, and a clip from what is obviously the ending monologue about why he falls in love with her.

Alex: Yep. Just awful. No need to really elaborate.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine -

Alex: Action looks superb, some really awesome shots and set pieces, ending with the obviously stressed "jump off motorcycle on to helicopter" scene, which looks pretty damn cool. Brings in Gambit, which is a plus, along with some other awesome X-Men characters. In terms of story line, probably not a lot to rant about, and the acting was kind of wooden at times. Overall, looks pretty entertaining, but it's no marvel (In the definition sense of the word, not the comic book company).

Eric: Mmm, good pun. I loved the first 2, and this one reminded me of X2 in feel, and acting, and etc. Slow-mo annoyed me. Liev Schreiber as Sabertooth? I like that. Lots of explosions. Too many for my taste. And how the hell do you grasp a helicopter.

Alex: I don't quite know, but he does it. And yes, too many explosions, BUT it could be all the explosions merely crammed into the trailer. Might not be TOO overwhelming for the entire length of the movie.

Friday the 13th -

Eric: Well, I'm a huge fan of slasher films for the fun of laughing at the terrible acting, and gruesome deaths of the bad actors, so this is just my thing. The audio is ripped straight from the original, which was a little lame. HOT HOT 20-somethings is always nice. Michael Bay's producing? Really? The deaths you see in the trailer look hilarious. "What are you doing?!" as the boat runs over her is the single best shot in any film ever. You?

Alex: Agreed. Shallow entertainment, forgotten the next day. Good fun, not much else, obviously.

Medicine for Melancholy -

Alex: ALRIGHT, now what we both want to talk about, Medicine for Melancholy. Shot beautifully, acted wonderfully, modern love story minus the cliched setbacks for "love" stories. Wonderful location, interesting characters, delicately scripted, looks pretty incredible, we're seeing it when it comes out.


Alex: Mmm mmm MMMM! Love me some mumblecore!

Eric: Exactly.

He's Just Not That Into You -

Alex: Errrg. Maybe, MAYBE has some redeeming qualities, but otherwise looks sloppy and stupid.

Eric: I ask why they turned a nonfiction book into a romantic comedy. Looks like lots of major minor talent. Cutesy. Slightly better looking than the other romantic comedies I've seen.

Alex: Mhmm. Slightly.

Coraline -

Eric: Focus Features never fails to rock my shit. Henry Selick is an amazing animation director. The book was great. Button eyes. Want to see it.

Alex: Yes yes and yes. Imaginative, interesting, good story, holds up past its initial "eww kid movie"-ness. Kinda creepy, even. Which is what Henry Selick does well.

Tokyo Sonata -

Alex: Looks pretty great, I think. I love the music set to it, so that helps. The acting and cinematography in it are pretty entrancing, and the direction looks crisp and consistent. Hopefully the "broken family" conflict holds up under scrutiny and doesn't seem trite during the full film.

Eric: Mmm. It has a few laurels, which is good. And by a Kurosawa. Looks like its shot hot, but I have no idea what its about. Family struggles. People struggling. Fuck! A kid gets hit. It uses the song from the end of Ocean's 11.

Fired Up -
Eric: I liked the blonde guy in Not Another Teen Movie, but not in this. Ugh. Teen sex comedy = FAR past prime. I liked the part about 'pounding' it, but other than that, so terrible. Uses a car wheel squeal, too, a familiar trailer convention.

Alex: Stop making these movies. They are a plague.

The Proposal -

Alex: I think it looks awesome. Really? No. It looks awful. Sandra Bullock doesn't fail to fail. Slop. Hollywood blubber. Terrible movie, shaved off the underside of Hollywood's pube-ridden scrotum. Disgusting.

Eric: Harsh. I say what the fuck is this? Sandra Bullock looks to be trying to make a comeback of sorts. Why? Ryan Reynolds is a pretty hot guy, and is a guilty, or not so guilty, pleasure of mine, but what a dumb, simple story. So contrived. A fun summer comedy. Couples welcome.

I Love You, Man -
Eric: Who wrote and directed this? I found out. The guy responsible for Meet the Fockers and Along Came Polly. John Hamburg. And those were awful. The cast looks lke a Judd Apatow crew, but not. Lots of different comedy backgrounds represented. Unfortunately this is a little lame looking.

Alex: Mhmm. I like Paul Rudd and Jason Segal, and got excited for the trailer, but the comedy just doesn't seem up to par. Ew.

The Last House on the Left -

Alex: Last House On The Left. Is he microwaving that guy's head? FUCK! What the fuck? AHHH. This looks awful.

Eric: Very intelligent.

Alex: I know.

Eric: A good companion to mine: Rogue Pictures suck. I love the deputy from No Country For Old Men, Garret Dillahunt, who is in this. It looks like it's shot like balls, and really, it showed us everything thats going to happen in this damn movie. I like the song juxtaposed with the horrible things happening, though. Wes Craven is still a part of it, too, so... might be good.

Earth -

Eric: James Earl Jones. That's nice. Amazing shots of nature. I'd rather watch Planet Earth. Is this a compilation of the best shots from that?

Alex: Hah! I know! It even uses Hoppipola, the Sigur Ros song, which was used in the Planet Earth trailer.... Rip off? Completely. Disney should stop. Just stop. Nooooo Disney, that idea has been done, and most likely done better. Noo Disney! Stop it, Disney! That's plagiarism, Disney! Stop!

Eric: I think it uses shots from Planet Earth, dude. The little bird hopping around with the blue smiley face on its wings? That's from Planet Earth.

Alex: Hmmm. Theives.

Eric: Said it was with BBC's collaboration. BBC produced Planet Earth. I'm pretty sure this is some sort of 'best of' thing.

That's all for this week. Tune in next time where we'll probably cover "500 Days of Summer", and "The Informers".

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