Thursday, January 22, 2009

I Respectfully Disagree: Blade Runner

A new "weekly feature." My weekly feature. That's right. Kevin Kern respectfully disagrees:

I hear you like Blade Runner. I don't. Not one bit. Blade Runner bores me. The premise of Blade Runner is alright, but I think it was executed in a really uninteresting, and poorly scripted way. Harrison Ford? Just terrible at acting in this. And that's his craft. He's terrible at his craft. The blonde girl? With the black streak across her eyes? Also terrible at acting. The woman that wanted to play Catwoman? She was in Ace Ventura, too. Yeah, she's terrible. I couldn't care less about any of the characters, and believe me, I tried really hard to care less. A few droids get killed, but in really quick, un-important fashion, the love story they try to convey doesn't plausibly grow, the futuristic sets make everything look cramped in a really unpleasant-to-watch way, and everything looks smokey, which got really annoying. Ridley Scott's direction is as subpar as I find it to be in all his other films. There are so many better futuristic, almost post-apocalyptic films, and I'd personally rather watch the Schwarzenegger in The Running Man again than watch Blade Runner. Running Man is another 80s sci-fi. It's terrible. But not as bad as Blade Runner. I've said my peace. Burn in hell, Blade Runner, you worthless pile of budget.

Forever and onward,
Eric T. Voigt

Dear Eric, 

I respectfully disagree. Harrison Ford. Terrible in this? I'd say..."subtle." I'm sorry he didn't strut around in a pink spacesuit, whoring for your attention. Are you also referring to his attempt at narration, which everyone loves to balk at? Watch the Director's Cut (of which there are now approximately one million versions). Narration removed. Problem solved.
Eric says, "Burn in hell."

And what did Daryl Hannah, everyone's favorite "blonde girl with the black streak across her eyes," do to incur your wrath? What about Sean Young (thanks for the name-check, by the way), the alleged Catwoman wannabe? What did these women do that was so wrong? I don't understand why you deemed their performances "terrible." Was their behavior off-putting? Did their actions seem synthetic, maybe? Oh, right, because they're not playing humans; they're playing androids.

You "tried really hard to care less" about the characters? Really? Seems like a waste of effort, but I won't try to change your mind. I'm sorry you didn't at least care about Pris (Hannah) and Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) and dear, sweet J.F. Sebastian (William Sanderson), all of whom I feel deserved sympathy. That's all I'll say about that, because I'd rather talk about the droid deaths, which were really entertaining.  But I guess I don't want to give anything away, so I'll just say this: Daryl Hannah seizuring. And that's all I'll say about that.

Kevin says, "You're beautiful, baby."

I'll give you the bit about the love story, but the futuristic sets? Masterful. They're supposed to look unpleasant, to make you feel uncomfortable. It's not a pretty future. Everything looks smokey because they're in a futuristic Los Angeles. And I think you may have confused Ridley Scott with Tony Scott. I haven't seen The Running Man, but I suspect you're exaggerating. 

Kevin Kern

1 comment:

  1. They may be playing androids, but they should still be androids that capture my interest. And I'm aware that the world is supposed to look like it's all fallen apart, but Children of Men pulled this off in a way that didn't make me cringe. I've ONLY seen the Director's Cut of this, so I have no idea what narration you're talking about. Maybe it's just the whole 80s-ness of this that makes me dislike it. I hear what you're saying, and can't get past the errors I see to enjoy this film.

    Eric T. Voigt