Sunday, May 10, 2009

Bambi: A Look Back

Bambi. A charming childhood staple film or an obscene, sexually charged thriller? This is the question that I pose to all of you, my readers. After recently seeing Bambi again after many years apart from it I decided I would give a summary of the film so that all of you might be able to form your own opinion so here it is:

Bambi is the story of, now stay with me here, Bambi, the newly born prince of the forest and possibly mentally handicapped deer. Born to a loving mother and an ambiguous father Bambi grows up surrounded by close friends and denizens of the forest, most notably Thumper, the wise cracking bunny with a penchant for saying all the wrong things at the right time, and Flower, the openly homosexual Skunk with a thirst for interracial sex. There are also the quails, the owl, some ducks, I think there are some opossums in there too, uhhh...oh yeah, a squirrel and a chipmunk that I'm pretty sure have some underage fling going on, and the all the other deer (we'll get to them later). So apparently Bambi lives in the most dangerous forest on the planet (most likely somewhere in New Hampshire). Not only is it teeming with hunters who roam the trees with packs containing upwards of 20 dogs but it's also teeming with hunters who roam the trees with packs containing upward of 20 dogs that are not above burning down entire swaths of forest just to get that high you get when lighting forest critters on fire. There are also deer rapists that creep among the shadows (They are both deer and they rape deer so deer rapist seemed a fitting title). So Bambi lives happily, free from the troubles of deerhood until one day his sweet, sweet mother is gunned down among the swaying feather grass of their favorite meadow, Her fate sealed to some dinner table, the meat picked from her bones until nothing is left of her other than her souless eye sockets staring towards the sky. At this point bambi's father, who decided to skip out on his son's entire childhood, shows up and whisks the young fawn away, barely a word spoken (Haha, because they're deer, right? That's what you're thinking. You know what...fuck you. They can talk, they just chose not to). Jump ahead several years. After living sad, princeless lives the forest animals are once again graced with the presence of Bambi who has grown much since the time he abandoned his people. He now sports some hefty antlers on which all the does would like to ride. This is the point in the movie where "Twitterpation" is explained. Mainly, it's when the young and, in the rabbit's case, busty female creatures seduce or assault the male critters before having their way with them. Mr. Owl warns Bambi, Thumper, and yes, even flower (though there is a bit of apprehension in his voice while doing so) that for the sake of their sanity and their lives DO NOT GET TWITTERPATED! They do. Flower, not accepted by the other animals because of his homoeroticism decides to experiment and is led away by a sexually promiscuous skunk-lady. Thumper is next in that he can't help but be taken by girl bunny who squeezes her tits several times while bathing to catch the young bunny's attention.

And finally there is Bambi, who runs into his childhood friend Saline who proceeds to mouth rape him until he has not the stamina to fight and gives in. This is where the deer rapist comes in but Bambi makes quick work of him. Somewhere in here Bambi is chased by a pack of roughly 20 vicious hounds, all of which seem kind of like cheating when it comes to hunting. I don't know if that's just me or what. Anyways, then there's a forest fire, Mrs. Quail has a nervous breakdown and after shouting "I can't stand it anymore!" is shot out of the sky,dead, and Saline gives birth to two beautiful fawns
, most certainly Bambi's. Oh, and Bambi's father is still alive at this point, he just never seems to be around much, he's always sort of creeping on a large rocky overhang. End.


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