On The Matter of "Film": Christopher Nolan's Inception: A Cast Too Good Not to Update Every Single Week

Show of hands from the people in the audience who didn't like The Dark Knight. Come on, don't be shy. Oh! Right. I'm sorry. I forgot no one reads this. Well, rhetorically, who didn't like The Dark Knight? Just slashfilm's Brendon Connelly? Yeah, I thought so. Another show of hands for who isn't excited to see Christopher Nolan's next film. See, this one works perfectly, because there aren't any hands to be shown anyway, meaning you're all excited to see Christopher Nolan's next film, which is Inception, scheduled for a 2010 release.

If Nolan has taught the world anything it's that he knows how to write and direct a film. To a lesser degree he's proven he knows how to cast a film excellently. Marvelously. Magically, if I have to be bold. Slashfilm knows this, so they've proceeded to keep people up to date to the very minute on who will be filling the credit sequences for Inception. They do this with good cause. The cast looks like it's going to rock you, and won't stop rocking you, and you'll get to the point where you'll wonder if the rock will ever stop, and you'll start shifting in your seat during the movie to get further away from the rock, but the rock will pull you in, and you'll squeal and squirm away, but the cast won't stop, they're relentless, and the rocking will commence for near 2 hours by normal runtime standards. Digressing, take a gander at the talent:

Leonardo DiCaprio stars as the frontman for Inception. Has Little Leo, as I call him around the office, ever been in a bad film? A mediocre film, maybe, but a bad one? And Christopher Nolan certainly hasn't helmed anything I wouldn't watch, so the fusion of a consistently good lead with a consistently sexy director can't help but be good and sexy.

Marion Cotillard is in on this, too. I'm looking for alluring pictures for all the actors, and trust me, Marion Cotillard has far more alluring pictures out there than this. I'm trying to keep On the Matter out of the realm of pornography. For no good reason, really. Her body is beside the point, aside from the point that her body will be starring as DiCaprio's wife in Inception. She's in A Very Long Engagement, and you don't get much better than being in A Very Long Engagement, I can tell you that.

Michael Caine wasn't sure he was getting a role in the movie, and one has to ask "why the fuck not?" He's Alfred. He's the Ace of Magicianry. He even played Scrooge in A Muppet Christmas Carol. You can't leave him out of this. They tried to leave him out of this. Look at that picture. Can you think of anything more badass than that? Not anything more badass and born on March 14th, 1933 you can't. Just stop.

Ellen Page... oh, Ellen Page. You were really good in Hard Candy. You can be really good in this. DiCaprio's sidekick? That's who you play in this? Yeah, you can pull that off. Leaving behind everything obnoxious you've done in your most contemporary roles you'll be great. Just... just don't screw this one up.

I have a Brody complex with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. So I have a Brody Gordon-Levitt Complex. What this complex entails is such a deep affinity for the actor that even in the most mediocre of films they will shine like a beacon to me. Except in Stop-Loss. Uck. Stop-Loss. Ever since "Third Rock From the Sun" he has been my dreamboat. He's in Brick. That film equals the tops. He has a supporting role, but I'll get an eyeful of his leading prowess in 500 Days of Summer.

Cillian! Shouting that name is like shouting the greatest name in the world. Live it. The star of 28 Days Later in a Christopher Nolan film? The man who fought off a million zombies in a Christopher Nolan film? Hell yes I'd like another serving of that on my plate. Thank you, I would like you to replace the fork I just dropped.

Probably the sexiest picture I've found yet, and probably the most Asian picture I've found yet, and probably the most Last Samurai'd picture I've found yet. Ken Watanabe. Of Batman Begins previously, Ken Watanabe will surely return as another kind of menacing looking villain. I don't know how, though. Look how gentle he is with that small dog, and that larger dog.